Rule #1
A few years ago, I went on a few dates with a guy that I later dubbed “Vulture.” This really had very little to do with his personality and more to do with his posture. He had a particularly long neck and appalling posture that left his shoulders arching up and somewhat forward. He was the closest thing I’ve seen to a living cartoon character.
Posture aside, Vulture was excessively boring and unwilling to go beyond the three-block radius surrounding his house.
We went on exactly two dates, at which point I told him I didn’t want to see him again.
Unfortunately, this led Vulture to do the most interesting thing he’d done during our brief encounter: he excessively called/texted to verbally abuse me.
Apparently calling me a plethora of colorful names was the key to getting me to go out with him again. Among other things, he told me that we had a deep, personal connection and that we had a future together but if I wanted to be a whore instead, that was fine with him.
I think deep, personal connections might consist of a little more than a conversation about my favorite movie and why he likes salami.
This is when I developed Rule #1 for dating. (And no, it’s not cardio.) It’s the rule of the Google Voice.
Google, in their infinite wisdom, made it so not only can you make calls and text people from one of their numbers, but you can block people. Therefore, instead of having to delete 15 text messages and avoid roughly 25 phone calls, I could have just blocked vulture!
Eventually he gave up, so I didn’t need to change my number, but some people are more tenacious. While it might seem a bit overly cautious, there are just some times when you really don’t want to hear anymore.
Lesson learned: Don’t judge someone based on appearance, judge them based on how crazy they are. And then block their texts.
you’re such a whore and a c*ckblock to funny
you should put that on your profile just to weed out the crazies 
hahaha!
This reminds me, I have your number.
How did I not know about Google voice???
I don’t know? I live by it.